sweet words of worship

haven't felt much like blogging lately. just been busy since i got back from columbus. enjoying some much needed family time.

worship this morning was really great...my hubby played some of my favorite songs (thanks honey!) :) this is one of my favorite hymns and we sang it this morning. i love the words and love the tune.

Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to Thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll, while the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide, till the storm of life is past;
Safe into the haven guide; O receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none, hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah! leave me not alone, still support and comfort me.
All my trust on Thee is stayed, all my help from Thee I bring;
Cover my defenseless head with the shadow of Thy wing.

Wilt Thou not regard my call? Wilt Thou not accept my prayer?
Lo! I sink, I faint, I fall—Lo! on Thee I cast my care;
Reach me out Thy gracious hand! While I of Thy strength receive,
Hoping against hope I stand, dying, and behold, I live.

Thou, O Christ, art all I want, more than all in Thee I find;
Raise the fallen, cheer the faint, heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is Thy Name, I am all unrighteousness;
False and full of sin I am; Thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found, grace to cover all my sin;
Let the healing streams abound; make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art, freely let me take of Thee;
Spring Thou up within my heart; rise to all eternity.

headed to the promised land

well i do behave like an israelite way too much, but this promised land i'm speaking about is Columbus, Georgia.

and for those of you who know where columbus is, you're probably saying, "huh?"....but for those of you who are from columbus, you know exactly what i mean!

when i first met rusty in college, there were several others, like him, who lived in columbus and they all referred to their beloved city as the promised land. i can't quite figure out why they all have such a high view of this city myself (sorry!), but i guess they have the right to think it anyway. maybe a few of you who claim this city as your own can comment and explain it to us!

so i'm headed down there in the morning to spend a couple days with r's parents. they are about to move into a new house that they are having built. there is lots of cleaning out to do in the house they are in...many many years of stuff that needs to be tossed, given away, or packed to move. so that's what i'm going to do! i'm on a mission (i really need to be doing this at my house, except the packing part).

so my mom and dad are coming to stay with the kids while i'm gone, since r will be working. it will be nice to spend some time with the in-laws. they are dear, dear people and the best in-laws i could ask for. i know without a doubt that they love me unconditionally. and i'm just thrilled for them and their brand new long-awaited house. i can't wait to see it!

puritan prayer

during the worship service this morning, we prayed a corporate prayer for our confession.

Gracious God,
Our sins are too heavy to carry, too real to hide, and too deep to undo. Forgive what our lips tremble to name, what our hearts can no longer bear, and what has become for us a consuming fire of judgement. Set us free from a past that we cannot change; open to us a future in which we can be changed; and grant us grace to grow more and more in your likeness and image, through Jesus Christ, the light of the world. Amen.
- from "The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions"

and that is the prayer of my heart today.

san fran...here we come!

i'm super excited because i just booked a flight to san francisco. ever since one of my best friends from college moved there about 3 years ago, i've been wanting to go visit. it's about time i make it out there! and now, my other BFF from college lives there too (for the past year) and i can't wait to come visit! she is due with her 4th child in march...so i wanted to come before she got to the miserable stage of her pregnancy. and the other friend will be due with her 3rd child the week that i will be there...so maybe i'll get to meet this little baby boy...i'm hoping!

the kids are going with me...i'm a little nervous about travelling with them by myself. they have never flown. should be interesting. rusty is joining us a few days later and will fly home with us. whatever hassle it may be, it is all worth it to see my friends. they are DEAR to my heart and i just can't wait to see what their life is like out there on the west coast!!

so, kater, i'm comin my friend...can't wait to stay up late and chat with you, and watch our little munchkins play together, and just laugh A LOT from our goofiness. i'm giddy with excitement!

** we don't leave until October 17th (i guess i should've mentioned that!)

it's that time of year again

i do believe this is my favorite time of year. the weather has been perfect here the past few days. the sky could not be more blue, the air could not be more crisp, and the temperature is just right. i love it when we can start wearing longsleeves and need to bundle up a bit at night.

it's the kind of day when i long to take a road trip to the great smokey mountains. with the windows rolled down and the indigo girls blaring through the speakers as i attempt to sing harmony at the top of my lungs (because they do have the best road trip songs in my opinion!). or a little JT (and no, i don't mean justin timberlake) singing "carolina in my mind". just the thought of driving with no real place to go makes me smile. to be able to stop at any point and pick apples, pumpkins or eat a big bag of hot boiled peanuts...mmmmmm. and i love going to any kind of fall festival around. the music, the people, the arts & crafts, the food...it all just excites me!

and the leaves...the leaves changing in the mountains is a beautiful sight. i love to see the wonder of God's creation in hues of bright yellows, oranges and reds. only our creator could come up with something so amazing.

i remember back in college rusty and i would just take off and drive...with nowhere to go. i loved those trips...full of the unexpected...full of spontaneity. it's a little harder to do it with kids in the picture, but i'm sure we'll try! they are learning to enjoy the same things that mommy and daddy do and it's so fun to experience those things with them. so, here's to fall! i'm so glad it's here.

ok, finally!!

this better work darn it. i'm determined for you to see this video just for the sake of me figuring out how to make it work! and you better think its the cutest thing you've ever seen after all of this effort! :)

Giddy Up

ok, i'm having trouble with this video. hope it works now.

Happy 50th Post

ok, so i know it's tradition with your 100th post to list 100 things about yourself. this task seems a little too overwhelming and a little too much information about me that you just may get bored with. SO...since i'm only halfway to 100, and 50 sounds much more feasible, i will break it up and do 50 now and 50 later! so in honor of my 50th post...here goes!

1. i'm almost one month away from turning 33
2. born and raised in atlanta (and in the burbs!)
3. i was (and probably still am) the youngest person to go up in a hot air balloon. my father flew them for a living during most of my childhood. 3 days old, right out of the hospital, he took me up in his balloon with a huge banner on the balloon..."It's a GIRL!" and it had my name. we have lots of newspaper clippings from all over the country with the story. i guess that's my claim to fame
4. i have an older sister...she's 3 years older than me
5. my parents are still married...almost 40 years
6. next summer for their 40th anniversary, they are taking all of us on a disney cruise! whoohoo!!
7. i've only lived out of the state of georgia once in my life.
   
8. and that was when my husband and i moved to chicago for 5 months for him to go to school at Northwestern. very fun time for us. we lived in a studio apartment on campus right on Lakeshore Drive overlooking Lake Michigan.
9. i enjoy the city, just not the traffic
10. i don't think i could ever live in the country (i have to have a grocery store within a 5 mile radius....and a mall within 10 mile radius!!)
11. i was attached to my stuffed animal monkey when i was younger. i got him when i was 3 and took him everywhere i went. his name was "monkey" (how original). i even took him to college and my friends made fun of it. he is in my son's room now
12. my mom says i was always an active child...her social butterfly (that's where ella gets the "where are we going today, mommy?" from)
13. i was also very goofy
14. my favorite subjects in school were math and art (quite a combination)
15. my least favorite subjects were english and history. i never enjoyed reading or writing
16. i was TERRIFIED of dogs as a child. my mom told me one day that we were going to "Wendy's" to eat lunch and i asked "Does Wendy have a dog?"....i was NOT going if she had a dog! ha. i didn't know it was a fast food restaurant
17. i still really don't love dogs. i never had a pet growing up (except for my fish i had in college). so i'm not a pet lover. my husband really wants a dog, i just don't know if i can do it!!! (sorry for you animal lover's out there....don't worry, i won't be mean to your pets...i just won't touch them or love on them!)
18. i hated green beans growing up. they would literally make me gag. i still hate them
19. wow this is hard
    
20. all of these facts are so random
21. ok, so i cheated and got 2 freebies. i was a "good girl" growing up...didn't get into that much trouble
22. i was always an 'A' student
    
23. my dad built a tree house for me that i probably didn't use as much as i should have. probably b/c one of my friends fell through the ladder hole one time and it scared me
24. i always wanted a trampoline growing up and never got one. our friends loaned theirs to us when they moved to kentucky for about a year. then i had to give it back. i LOVED having it.
25. i used to love cutting the grass with the riding lawn mower (until i became a teenager and people could see me as they drove by...we lived on a very busy corner). our lawn mower had 2 levers to steer with instead of a steering wheel. it was so cool. i would drive it around in the woods behind our house on the path that my dad cleared out. great entertainment!
26. my family would go camping at least once a year to Deep Creek, NC...we would go with our friends from church who had 4 girls, 2 of the girls were the same age as my sister and i. we would float down the creek on inner tubes (sp?) and there were some pretty big rapids and falls at times. lots of great memories from those camping trips!
27. i was always blessed with lots of friends
28. i have 5 friends that i stuck with through high school and we are still great friends today
29. they were all in my wedding (along with my 6 college friends! yes, big wedding party!)
30. we all went to NYC for our 30th birthday trip a few years ago
31. we all went to school together and church together
32. i was very involved in church growing up
33. i sung in the youth choir, was on a mime team (i know, cheesy) and played handbells
34. i always went to youth camp (Centrifuge, LifeWeek)
35. i was baptized when i was 5th grade (i grew up southern baptist), but don't believe i really became a christian until college
36. i went to Berry College in Rome, Georgia
37. its the most beautiful campus (i think!) and it has 28,000 acres!
38. i was first a Decision Science major (Math, Business, Computer Science)
39. after i got my first 'F' EVER (i can't believe i'm admitting this) in Differential Equations, i decided that the major just wasn't for me!
    
40. i then decided to make up my own major....Interdisciplinary major, combining Art, Business, and Communications....i got to make up my own class schedule, it was great!
41. it was during my college years that i really grew spiritually as a Christian
    
42. was involved in a ministry called Campus Outreach
43. spent 3 summers on a summer beach project in Panama City Beach
44. and spent one summer in Belo Horizonte, Brazil
45. i have the most amazing friends from my college years
46. and a wonderful husband that i met there too!!
47. i worked at a bank in the super Walmart after graduation, hated it
48. then worked in the communications department of a very large church for several years
49. and then was hired by a graphic designer who owned his own firm, this was the best experience and i learned a ton from him
50. i now do freelance graphic design....in my spare time (which is NOT much!)

WOW. i can't believe how hard that was. i'm glad i have another 50 posts to go before i have to do it again! so thanks for enduring (if you even got through all of them)!!

Ella's bedtime prayer

Dear Father,
Thank you for this day, for the sun that'll care, for the love that's everywhere....that's why i say thanks every day. Because a grateful heart is a happy heart. That's why Jesus reminds somethin that you do everything that are wrong and right. For the trees and animals and grass.
Amen.

sidenote: she says this exact same prayer every single night. it started several months ago and has not changed. for you veggie tales fans out there, you may recognize the first part from the thankfulness song. anyway, i had to get this written down so i would never forget it. i wonder when she'll shake things up a bit and start praying a different prayer!

remembering september 11, 2001

it was five years ago. i have a horrible memory, but this day i will never forget. there have been a few of these days in my lifetime that i do remember...the space shuttle Challenger explosion with teacher Christa McAuliffe onboard, the tragic car accident that killed Princess Diana, the tragic plane accident killing JFK Jr... these are moments in history that i remember shook us all.

but nothing compares to the tragic events of september 11, 2001.

rusty and i had recently purchased our first home (just a few weeks prior). no kids. i was working for a small, private graphic design firm. that morning was no different than any other morning. i rolled out of bed after sleeping in as late as i possibly could and started getting ready for work. turned on the "Today" show as usual while eating my breakfast. all of a sudden....breaking news about a plane hitting one of the world trade center towers. wow...i thought....how could a plane get off course like that and run into a building? as i watched the footage, i called rusty to tell him what happened. i then called my dad to make sure he was watching and i also called my boss, steve, to tell him to watch. then, another plane hits the second building. my eyes were GLUED to the tv. this was no accident. this was intentional. i could not believe what i was watching. i was scared, i was shocked, i was numb.

i eventually made it in to work (late). we watched the news all day at work. needless to say, not much work got done this day. i remember how my heart literally felt like it was sinking as we watched both towers collapse. the chaos, the tragedy, the enormous disaster that was taking place was almost more than i could bare. tears rolling down my face as i thought about those lives that were gone. and then to hear about the other stories....the plane crashing in pennsylvania and the one that crashed into the pentagon. it was all just too much. was this for real?

for days following, i continued to stay glued to my television just like every other american. i knew my country would never be the same after that horrible day. every night for a few weeks i was scared to go to sleep. i was haunted by the images that i had seen. the fire, the smoke, the debris, the faces of those mourning loved ones, the people trying to find their loved ones, the massive destruction in NYC. and just the thought of these terrorists getting away with what they did....i was worried about what was next.

we have come a long way since then. i thank the men and women who have sacrificed their lives to help protect this country. and i thank the ones who lost their lives on that devastating day. we will certainly never forget that moment in our nation's history and we will never forget the heroic stories and tragic stories that took place....five years ago.

deliquent mom

i thought i was all prepared for this morning. i thought i had plenty of time to get everything done. it was ella's first day of her new K-4 class. a day that has been on the calendar for months and a day that we had been talking up for weeks.

8:30 rolls around...and of course, i'm rushing. am i ever on time? probably not. and this morning was no exception. real quick, i thought, i need to take a picture of her on her first day! get evan in his car seat, run upstairs, grab camera, run back downstairs, get ella out of the van, get her posed outside, say "cheese", crap...dead batteries. "hang on, ella, i'll be right back". run back inside, grab another set of batteries, crap....dead batteries again. ok, there is one more set (i know, yes we have 3 sets of rechargeable batteries...you never know when you are going to need them, ha!). put in the last set, CRAP...dead batteries!! UGH!

you would think i would be prepared and have all sets charged and ready to go for her first day of school photo. so we ended up getting the shot after we got home (a little anti-climatic).

anyway, in the van after her first day, of course i asked her all the questions every mom asks. she proceeded to tell me she really liked her new class and her teacher is "sooo nice". and she "wasn't scared at all because it wasn't very childy" (interpretation: i wasn't scared b/c there weren't too many children). i asked her if she met some new friends. she said there were some that she liked and others that she didn't like. got me curious...."why didn't you like some of the children?" she says, "some of them were kinda weird." "weird?" i said. "yeah, some just looked really weird mommy."

um, ok. i tried to take that opportunity to share some bits of wisdom with her (you know, the don't judge a book by its cover stuff and God makes everyone special and everyone looks different in their own special way stuff). but i couldn't help but chuckle inside.

the "even" of my eleven

well i have written so many posts about ella lately, that i feel it's time to introduce my boy. evan...my 22 mo old son...also known as buddy or bud mostly. but will also respond to big poncha (by big sister), little pedro (by daddy), boogie bear (by mommy). other names include big guy, big boy, butter bean, little bud, and i could go on and on!

this little man stole my heart the second i held him. there is just something about a mother/son relationship. i could literally eat him up he is so sweet. needless to say, he is so loved by us all. his smile will win you over the second he shows his teeth for you. if he's not smiling or using his hands for something, he is probably sucking 2 of his fingers...his first 2 fingers or middle 2 fingers, on either hand. and when he is sucking on them while trying to sleep, you will hear a big moaning sound every time he breaths out. i actually think its so cute.


evan is all boy. he is definitely showing this more and more as he gets bigger. first sign, he throws everything. there are so many moments through the day when we need to yell "head's up!". from balls, sippy cups, and books to trains, magnets, and really anything that he can pick up and throw! he has no fear...he will climb all over you and fall on his head and it won't phase him. he loves to wrestle. he loves to run (and oh is it soooo cute!). he likes to gallop like a horse....while doing this he says "up, up" (for giddy-up).

his favorite things to do are read books, play outside, and play anything with his sister. she will sometimes climb up into his glider and read book after book after book with him. one of those precious moments i don't ever want to forget. he also asks to watch his favorite video...he says "e-i-i-o?" it's a video of songs and the first song is Old McDonald...so hence that is what he has named the video. another favorite is trucks. every time we are in the car i hear "mom-mee, mom-eee, MOM-MEEEE!" "what?" i say. "ook, mommy, kuck!" (look mommy , truck!). he has a few books about trucks and these are the ones he wants read to him over and over. any kind of big moving object that he sees (bulldozer, big rig, pick up truck), he will yell "kuck, kuck!"

he is talking a lot more lately. the past few days he has been saying "ank-oo mommy" (thank you mommy) to me after i do something for him. melts my heart. when he and sister are playing hide and seek, he counts "nigh nigh nigh nigh nigh NIGH" and starts running. he says that whenever he is counting things too. several months ago he started saying "okaay". and whenever he asks "what dat mommy?" and i answer him....he just says "oh". i love it...no arguing!! :) he loves waving bye to anyone and anything...lately (if he happens to be in the bathroom with you) he will politely wave bye bye to the pee pee or poo poo that is being flushed down the potty! and he says "bye poo poo!". so nice, that boy!

i wish i could just freeze him at this age. everything about him is just so cute and lovable. i love everything about him...from those chunky little legs, his sweet bald head with bits of white blonde hair to his cute little giggles and his big, fat, juicy, open-mouthed kisses! L-O-V-E H-I-M!!

note to self

TO SELF: don't ever, EVER think that you are trying to be nice by warning your 4 year old daughter at her yearly check-up at the doctor that she will only be getting ONE shot. especially when she still has to have her hearing and sight screening tests done. just always remember to wait til the absolute LAST SECOND before the shot is about to take place. just keep in mind all the sobbing and drama that will take place over the FEAR of this shot. just remember how much you wanted to kick yourself for saying anything (and the nurses probably wanted to kick you too!).

-- poor little ella. she did survive though. was finally happy after getting that red sucker she really wanted.

-- poor mommy...sometimes she just doesn't think before speaking! we were finished with the dr. and i thought the nurse was about to come in to give her the shot. but NO...i forgot about the screening tests and that it would be another 10 or so minutes before the dreaded shot. poor ella was sweating from all the crying. glad all that is over. until another 6 months.

fun for all this labor day weekend.

each of us had our fun this weekend.

rusty got to spend numerous hours with his friend eric on saturday. they are both huge notre dame fans and they watched the game together and cheered their team to victory (with sad georgia tech fans surrounding them no less).

i got to go out and see a movie with a friend on sunday. and that means, no children were tagging along. oh the joy! we saw "Little Miss Sunshine" and i highly recommend it! it was thought-provoking, entertaining, great acting by great actors, and laugh-out loud funny. and that is a good mix of qualities to have in a movie in my book. so go see it!!

and today, we took the kids to one of their favorite places around...Bass Pro Shop. kinda funny, i know. but it is really great free fun. they have a HUGE fish aquarium that they just get giddy over....hence ella started calling the store "the fishy store" when she was about 2 years old. and at that age, she could literally spot the sign from a mile away and would start yelling "fishy store, fishy store!" (happened today too!). and since the store was hopping today with labor day sales, they had a scavenger hunt for kids in the store. good family fun right there. not to mention sitting on all the four-wheelers and letting rusty reminisce about his old country boy days and touring all the pontoon boats that we could only dream about buying.

and after a nice family outing, we later enjoyed a cookout at our friend's house and enjoyed some good ribs and good laughs in between the chaos of having lots of young children running around.

so lots of good fun for the whole family this weekend. and good fun means good food too....so i racked up the points today. oops. but its a holiday. that's my excuse.

points shmoints!

i've never been a disciplined person. and i've never been a dieter. until a year ago....well just the dieter part.

i joined weight watchers online this time last year because i really wanted to lose about 10 or more pounds. my mom had done WW and i knew several people who had done it and they were successful. the ONLY reason i chose WW is because it sounded fairly easy to do online and i could still eat the things i like to eat.

and remember, i'm not a disciplined person. so yes, it was hard to get into the swing of counting points and limiting my food intake. and oh do i love food. it really did help me to see how much junk i was eating and it helped me to replace those things with lower point foods. i lost about 8 lbs and felt really good about it. i hung in there with it for probably about 4 months...and then the holidays came. i threw WW out the window!

one year later, i have gained it all back. my new jeans i bought last year are fitting quite snug and it just makes me sad. you would think this would be motivation for me to get back on the dieting plan. i'm trying, i'm trying.

a few friends have just started WW and so it is pushing me to do it again. plus the fact that r really wants to do it again too. i'm just so over the points thing. i would just rather grab a hand-full of cheez-its whenever i want to and not have to keep track of the points! its a mental game as well. my mind and tummy are telling me that they would much rather munch on something yummier than rice cakes for a snack...and i often give in to my "evil side". and when we go out to eat, it just gets even harder. its right about now that i wished my favorite foods were fruit and vegetables. too bad they aren't. i love french fries....and they love me back. i love a big, juicy hamburger....and it loves me too.

and its also right about now that i wished i was a more disciplined person. i know the results of me getting my fat butt into those jeans will be worthwhile! and WW really does work. so...here goes. good bye fat biscuit!! (thats what we call butts in our family!)

escape from the house

monday night ella got sick. the fever came and didn't leave for over 24 hours. so tuesday was a long day of taking care of her while she laid on the couch watching endless hours of noggin in between napping. she threw up twice...which tends to happen with her every time she has a high fever. so the day was not so pleasant. yesterday was another day at home. she was still QUITE groggy and tired as she was regaining energy that was zapped from her the day before. i've discovered the cues to know when she is sick. she is horribly whiny! i was finding myself becoming the same way as i was dealing with it.

needless to say, after two days feeling trapped at home, i was ready to get out of the house. i don't quite understand my need to escape from a nice, safe place. i think i just get bored.

this morning was ella's open house at her preschool. i was quite pleased that the grogginess had passed and she was actually not scared to go meet her new teacher. we had a nice time seeing her new classroom. they had a petting zoo outside and the kids really enjoyed it.

so i thought i would extend our little outing and so we headed to the mall. all was going well. we went to a couple stores and rode the merry-go-round. then we got chick-fil-a for lunch. after i got buddy in the high chair and unloaded all the bags and started cutting up chicken nuggets, ella says "mommy, i have to go potty."

my response was nothing but mean. i asked her if she could hold it. i gave her the big sigh (ugh) response. i pretty much scolded her for not telling me before we sat down and spread out all the food, etc. i then made sure she knew that it was going to be a pain to pack up all the food, put buddy back in the stroller and walk all the way to the bathroom.

the sweet lady sitting behind me (not sure if she heard my conversation with ella or not) offered to watch our food for us. oh, thank you!

so hindsite...i'm embarrassed. i behaved ridiculously and am so sorry that i placed that guilt on ella. i viewed her natural need to go pee as an inconvience to me. i later told her that i was proud of her for telling me she needed to go to the bathroom. and also thought of the worse scenario of her having an accident in the middle of the food court.

funny how irritated i get over her whininess....when i do the exact same thing. sometimes i wish i could rewind life and try again with a different response. but this is how we learn. this is how we learn to say i'm sorry and seek forgiveness. i can only hope and pray that my sweet child will not be scarred by these crazy outbursts from her irritated mother!

so, that was my lesson for today.

our favorite number these days

is anyone else excited that 24 won an emmy sunday night for best drama? and that keifer sutherland won for best actor? i was thrilled. 24 is our favorite show. we started watching 2 seasons ago after several friends convinced us that it was one of the best shows on tv. we immediately got hooked. its not hard people. if you watch one episode, you won't want to miss ANY of the following. when i saw keifer win on sunday, its hard not to imagine him as jack bauer. i kept thinking he was going to pull out his gun and start running across the stage. and ok, i'm an idiot, i totally didn't realize that donald sutherland was his father. um, it makes sense...they look exactly alike and well, they have the same last name. like i said, i'm an idiot. i had never put 2 and 2 together!

a few weeks ago, r and i started watching season 1. we borrowed a friends DVD (there is a line of people behind us waiting to borrow this cherished DVD btw). every night that we watch an episode, i practically beg r to watch another one with me. for those of you who watch this show, you know that the last 5 minutes of each episode just leaves you hanging and longing for more! it has been fun to see the beginning and the introduction of jack bauer kicking some major booty.

so if there is one show you must see, it's 24. it's intense, creative, exciting, and it will literally make your stomach hurt at times because of the intensity of each episode. there is obviously a reason why it won the emmy for best drama! it gets our vote for sure.

and did i mention that jack bauer kicks major booty?

happy birthday to ella

To my dear sweet daughter,

Ella Charlotte, thank you for coming into our lives 4 years ago today. thank you for giving us a huge shock when we found out you were a girl! thank you for bringing so much joy into my life. thank you for giving me the gift of motherhood. thank you for bringing a smile to my face every day. thank you for making me giggle at your silliness. thank you for giving me sweet kisses when you come into my room in the morning. thank you for telling me that you love me. thank you for your silly knock knock jokes. thank you for drawing pretty pictures for me that impress me. thank you for liking my spaghetti. thank you for letting me put bows in your hair and for wanting to wear skirts every day. thank you for making me play duck duck goose with you. thank you for being such a great big sister to evan. thank you for your sweet prayers at night. thank you for all the curious questions that you ask over and over again, thank you for asking me to play games with you. thank you for wanting to have picnic lunches in the backyard. thank you for wanting to sing songs with me. thank you for wanting me to read you books. thank you for being so LOVABLE!

thank you also for helping me see that children are truly a blessing. thank you for helping me to know just how wonderful and difficult parenthood can be. thank you for humbling me. thank you for helping me to see just how selfish i really am. thank you for pushing me towards my Father when i don't know how to parent you. thank you for testing my patience. thank you for allowing me to fail you and thank you for forgiving me when i do.

these past four years with you have been a gift. you are a gift. you are special. and mommy and daddy love you beyond words. we love everything about you! happy 4th birthday, my sweet girl!

i love you,
mommy

the cleaning King

as i have pondered my whole cleaning strike thing, i keep thinking of how it relates to my spiritual life. just as i look around and see a dirty, cluttered home and it puts me in a funk, i also react that way to my heart when it's filled with something unclean. when my heart is holding onto sin and when i'm not believing the truth of the gospel, i get into a spiritual funk. every day there are certain things that i need to ask forgiveness for...but i just want to hold on to it. i just want to be angry a little longer, or i just want to justify my wrong behavior and blame it on someone else. and when i cling to it, it builds upon itself and then becomes harder to confess it. the dirty-ness (i think i just made up that word) simply makes me feel all icky inside.

the simple truth of the gospel tells me, though, that all i need to do is tell Him my sin, be broken over it, be forgiven, and move on. all that dirt and grime and clutter that i let build up inside easily gets cleaned up by my faithful, loving, forgiving Father only because of Christ. he comes in and throws away all the clutter, he wipes off the dirt, he mops up the grime and spills and dirty gunky stuff (great description, huh?), he dusts off the hard to reach places that i don't even see, he opens up the blinds and lets the beautiful light shine inside, and even sprays my heart with a fresh aroma that only he can create. he is the ULTIMATE heart-cleaner and no one can clean quite like he can! he makes our hearts spotless and he doesn't even remember what it looked like before. it's just a beautiful picture to me of God's grace in my life.

when i look around my house when it's dirty, i get overwhelmed at all the work that needs to get done to make it clean. and it often disgusts me to think that it will just get dirty all over again after all the hard work. this is how i feel all too often about my heart. i see the sin, i don't like it, i don't want to deal with it, and i think it will be too much work to try and do things better.... but the difference with this analogy is that yes, i do have to physically work to get my house clean...but there is nothing that i can do to clean my own heart. the only work involved in that is actually bending down to him and laying my sin at his feet. he does the rest. and he doesn't sit around and dwell on the fact that my heart is rotten and analyze just how filthy the walls of my heart are (like i do)....no....he immediately embraces me and makes me pure again. the beauty of sanctification.

how much more joy could i experience in my life if i only would remember these truths?

Psalm 51:10 (ESV)
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.

mom on strike

over the past few days, i feel like i've been in a funk. don't really know the cause of it...well, i take that back, i probably do...but sometimes i just don't understand exactly why i let that cause get to me. let me explain.

last night i almost wrote a post about what i was feeling. i decided to wait and i'm glad that i did. over the past 5 days my son has had a fever so i've basically been stuck at home with him. you would think that i would get a lot done in the house since i've had all kinds of time here. but the motivation has been lacking. i would look around and see all the toys spread out ALL OVER the house, i would see dirty dishes piling up knowing there were clean ones in the dishwasher that needed to be emptied, the mail was piling up on my kitchen table and counters, my floor desperately needed vaccuming, the kitchen floor had crumbs of who knows what that needed to be swept, you could not walk through the kids rooms without stepping on something, the bathrooms had a layer of grime (ick), clean clothes that needed to be put away, not to mention the dirty clothes that were spread out all over my bedroom that need to be washed. ok, i think you get my point and i'm sure you have a visual now. i am not a good housekeeper. and when it gets this bad...it puts me in a funk. i would look around and attempt to attack something, but it would just get dirty again, cluttered again, messy again. i clean up the kitchen just to dirty it up hours later, i straighten up the living room just to see it clutter up with toys hours later, i do the laundry just to do it a couple days later. these things become so monotonous to me and it drives me crazy sometimes. they are tasks that never seem to get finished....you can never fully scratch them off of the list because as soon as you do, you have to work on the same task all over again!

every few months or so i get into this funk. i might as well have been walking around my driveway in a circle holding a big sign that says "mom on strike". for 5 days now i have basically just been refusing to get anything done. call it overwhelmed, call it low energy, call it depression, call it lack of motivation, call it...quits! whoever said that moms should get paid over $100,000 for all the work they do...got it about right. i mean, maybe if money were involved i would be more motivated? i don't know. maybe more recognition and gratefulness from others would help (don't get me wrong-my family is very appreciative of what i do).

but this is why i'm glad that i waited until today to write this. this morning i had to go to church to keep the nursery. r stayed home with the kids since evan woke up with a fever again. i came home to a nice surprise. the living room had been cleaned up and the kids rooms had been cleaned up. daddy and the kids had been at work while i was gone. when ella was showing me the work she had done, with tears in my eyes...i had to say "thank you God." he used my family to bring me the joy that i needed....i know acts of service is one of my (many!) love languages. and believe me, i felt loved and appreciated.

so i think it has given me that boost that i have needed to help me move on (there's LOTS more cleaning to be done!). even though the things i do at home can be so mundane...i wouldn't trade it for the world. i am so thankful that i can be at home with my children. and as far as the housework....well its certainly not my strength and probably never will be. i'm sure these funk-filled moments will continue to come and go....especially knowing that the housework will NEVER go away. i usually just need that little whisper from my Father saying "you are LOVED, you are BLESSED....be JOYFUL."

so i guess i can say that my strike is officially over. back to work tomorrow. i think i'll tackle the floors and the bathrooms. and later this week my goal is to clean out TOYS...get rid of some and organize the others. usually once i finally get going, there's no stopping me!