escape from the house

monday night ella got sick. the fever came and didn't leave for over 24 hours. so tuesday was a long day of taking care of her while she laid on the couch watching endless hours of noggin in between napping. she threw up twice...which tends to happen with her every time she has a high fever. so the day was not so pleasant. yesterday was another day at home. she was still QUITE groggy and tired as she was regaining energy that was zapped from her the day before. i've discovered the cues to know when she is sick. she is horribly whiny! i was finding myself becoming the same way as i was dealing with it.

needless to say, after two days feeling trapped at home, i was ready to get out of the house. i don't quite understand my need to escape from a nice, safe place. i think i just get bored.

this morning was ella's open house at her preschool. i was quite pleased that the grogginess had passed and she was actually not scared to go meet her new teacher. we had a nice time seeing her new classroom. they had a petting zoo outside and the kids really enjoyed it.

so i thought i would extend our little outing and so we headed to the mall. all was going well. we went to a couple stores and rode the merry-go-round. then we got chick-fil-a for lunch. after i got buddy in the high chair and unloaded all the bags and started cutting up chicken nuggets, ella says "mommy, i have to go potty."

my response was nothing but mean. i asked her if she could hold it. i gave her the big sigh (ugh) response. i pretty much scolded her for not telling me before we sat down and spread out all the food, etc. i then made sure she knew that it was going to be a pain to pack up all the food, put buddy back in the stroller and walk all the way to the bathroom.

the sweet lady sitting behind me (not sure if she heard my conversation with ella or not) offered to watch our food for us. oh, thank you!

so hindsite...i'm embarrassed. i behaved ridiculously and am so sorry that i placed that guilt on ella. i viewed her natural need to go pee as an inconvience to me. i later told her that i was proud of her for telling me she needed to go to the bathroom. and also thought of the worse scenario of her having an accident in the middle of the food court.

funny how irritated i get over her whininess....when i do the exact same thing. sometimes i wish i could rewind life and try again with a different response. but this is how we learn. this is how we learn to say i'm sorry and seek forgiveness. i can only hope and pray that my sweet child will not be scarred by these crazy outbursts from her irritated mother!

so, that was my lesson for today.